Bb, this is for you. :-) You're not pathetic. Not at all. You're awesome. You're all I ever wanted in a friend, and so much more. Sometimes Life just throws you all the shit and expects you to take it all in. What can we do when Life's just an irony?
We can only take all that shit into our stride. That's what the people around you are for. We have each other to count on, to make it all better for one another. Yes, there may be friction once in a while. So?
Everyone screws up. In order to make this work we need to give each other chance after chance, and believe that one day we'll all make it and be better people. Then again..................so what if we remain unchanged and are still as fucked up?
That's okay. Because the people that are worth it are the people who stand by you despite all odds. The people that love you will never leave you. If they can't stand you at your worst, they sure as hell don't deserve you at your best.
Inter-personal relationships are tough shit to handle. Conflicts happen everyday. You hate the people you love in that moment of anger. Every time you piss off. Everytime you want to give up. Think of all the great things she/he has done for you. Are they really worth less than the bad? I don't think so.
To everyone out there who are on the verge of giving up. Don't. Because I know how it feels to be given up on. It sucks. Don't give up on anyone if you don't want to be given up on.
People confuse feelings with temporary emotions, and subconsciously turn the temporary into a permanent. Just because you're angry, you think of all the negative things someone has once done to you before and you get angry because of all that piled up. Feelings are simple. Its us humans that make it complicated. Love him/her? Don't give up just because of a temporary emotion. Is it fair if you just give it all up like that? Its not like you didn't screw up too you know.
Yes, yes. You're going to say that Life isn't fair. Since when? Since humans said it was and made it this way. We pretty damn well can make it as fair as we want to. The fact that we're unwilling to makes it all so unjust.
Life is definitely not all rainbows and unicorns, but also thunderstorms and rhino horns. However, forgiveness would make everything so much better. Is it really so hard to forgive? Chances should be given aplenty, unless you're talking about the law.
Moral of the story: Never give up on anyone. They need you as much as you need them. Unless they're fucked up.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
I'm a hopeless cause
Nobody said it was going to be easy. Nobody told me it was going to be this hard either. Yes, we may not be able to take back the things that we ever said or did, but what we can do is to learn from it and with time and patience, we'll all learn from our mistakes. Don't give up on anyone.
The most cruel thing that a loved one can do to you, is not to torture you, or anything of that sort. The most cruel thing is when they decide to give up on you, because to them, you're a hopeless cause.
I wish you could see how much you mean to me. Maybe then you'll know how it feels. If I were to do the same things to you like how you did everything you could to make me let go, you'd hate me.
I wish I didn't feel what happiness was, so I wouldn't know how sadness feels like. I don't want to feel anything for anyone. Because maybe then, I wouldn't be in so much pain. Too much, for too long.
P/S: The picture of me was supposed to mimick the facial expression :/, not to act cute, or anything along the lines of that.
Happy posts soon. If I remember how 'happy' actually feels like. Its not easy faking smiles.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
You should date a girl who reads
Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes, who has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.
Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she has found the book she wants. You see that weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a secondhand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow and worn.
She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.
Buy her another cup of coffee.
Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.
It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas, for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry and in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.
She has to give it a shot somehow.
Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.
Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who read understand that all things must come to end, but that you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.
Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.
If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.
You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.
You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.
Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.
Or better yet, date a girl who writes.
- Rosemarie Urquico
Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she has found the book she wants. You see that weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a secondhand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow and worn.
She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.
Buy her another cup of coffee.
Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.
It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas, for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry and in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.
She has to give it a shot somehow.
Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.
Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who read understand that all things must come to end, but that you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.
Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.
If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.
You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.
You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.
Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.
Or better yet, date a girl who writes.
- Rosemarie Urquico
Monday, January 16, 2012
I am cat, hear me meow
Not dead yet. Hahahahahahahahahaha too bad for those who are wishing I am.
Haven't been blogging much because I'm just plain lazy. Many things have been going on in my life lately but they're all good things!!!! Hehehehehe finally right ikr. I've been an angel O:) Been saying Meow too much these days too. Oh em gee I'm turning into a cat.
So......................what I've been up to:
Ok lah just wanted to add a picture of me I took since idk when because I edited it so nicely (to me) I felt like it should be up. Realise it looks like my fb dp a lot, just wearing different things. Seriously don't know how people can come up with so many poses. Pose here and there only this few leh.
And I kinda hate it when I try to guailan people by sticking out my tongue and I unintentionally show the tongue piercing when my only intention was to piss people off with my tongue stuck out. UGH.
Ok sidetracked a lot so here goes.
Forgot the dates but the order is something liddis ah................
Sleepover at Meh's because she said 'Walao why always sleepover at you 2's never ever sleep at mine one lor' HAHA and they 2 always sleep together because I'm the fussy one with the pillows and blanket LOL
Adriel's birthday dinner last week. Look like an awkward turtle in the picture but thankfully the dinner was totally un-awkard (my own word haha wtf) at all!!! Great time catching up with the broz. 19. What a big number. Adulthood. Scary.
Ketchup session with the broz over ice water/ice lemon tea/fries and shisha. Fucking love them hahahahaha their jokes really must maintain one.
Surprised LCY a few days ago. Haven't been seeing her since idk when so I just decided to go when I saw her tweet saying she'll be home. :-) Makes me happy when I surprise people. Am so happy for her because that beautiful babe of mine finally found happiness she rightfully deserves. Yay! Also managed to see meimei and her mom. Love all of them so much. Hugs.
Life has been relatively okay for me now. Don't want to jinx it but hey, if I believe in it I'll subconsciously make it happen so no. I don't care life's really better to me now. Family, much better. Friends.......at least it isn't as bad as end 2011. As for school. -Crosses fingers- I hope I successfully get accepted. Will blog about everything in detail when I do succeed. Which I hopefully will. :-D Wish me luck because I need it please?
Realise Chris and Est haven't uploaded the pictures of us hahahahahahaha damn funny one shall ask them to upload it soon so I can post 'em here teehee. I love these 2. Wonder why I didn't meet them earlier. Glad to have them in my life and I'm contented meeting them late anyway. Because I did in the end. Hehehehe hugs.
Can't wait to start school again because its a 2nd chance and I'll definitely so better than the first because I'll finally be doing something I have interest in. YESSAAAAAA. Also bought my cny clothing and I'm happy with my purchases! YAY!
LIFE IS BACK ON TRACK. 2012 FTW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Seeya soon bunnies! X
Haven't been blogging much because I'm just plain lazy. Many things have been going on in my life lately but they're all good things!!!! Hehehehehe finally right ikr. I've been an angel O:) Been saying Meow too much these days too. Oh em gee I'm turning into a cat.
So......................what I've been up to:
Ok lah just wanted to add a picture of me I took since idk when because I edited it so nicely (to me) I felt like it should be up. Realise it looks like my fb dp a lot, just wearing different things. Seriously don't know how people can come up with so many poses. Pose here and there only this few leh.
And I kinda hate it when I try to guailan people by sticking out my tongue and I unintentionally show the tongue piercing when my only intention was to piss people off with my tongue stuck out. UGH.
Ok sidetracked a lot so here goes.
Forgot the dates but the order is something liddis ah................
Sleepover at Meh's because she said 'Walao why always sleepover at you 2's never ever sleep at mine one lor' HAHA and they 2 always sleep together because I'm the fussy one with the pillows and blanket LOL
Adriel's birthday dinner last week. Look like an awkward turtle in the picture but thankfully the dinner was totally un-awkard (my own word haha wtf) at all!!! Great time catching up with the broz. 19. What a big number. Adulthood. Scary.
Ketchup session with the broz over ice water/ice lemon tea/fries and shisha. Fucking love them hahahahaha their jokes really must maintain one.
Surprised LCY a few days ago. Haven't been seeing her since idk when so I just decided to go when I saw her tweet saying she'll be home. :-) Makes me happy when I surprise people. Am so happy for her because that beautiful babe of mine finally found happiness she rightfully deserves. Yay! Also managed to see meimei and her mom. Love all of them so much. Hugs.
Life has been relatively okay for me now. Don't want to jinx it but hey, if I believe in it I'll subconsciously make it happen so no. I don't care life's really better to me now. Family, much better. Friends.......at least it isn't as bad as end 2011. As for school. -Crosses fingers- I hope I successfully get accepted. Will blog about everything in detail when I do succeed. Which I hopefully will. :-D Wish me luck because I need it please?
Realise Chris and Est haven't uploaded the pictures of us hahahahahahaha damn funny one shall ask them to upload it soon so I can post 'em here teehee. I love these 2. Wonder why I didn't meet them earlier. Glad to have them in my life and I'm contented meeting them late anyway. Because I did in the end. Hehehehe hugs.
Can't wait to start school again because its a 2nd chance and I'll definitely so better than the first because I'll finally be doing something I have interest in. YESSAAAAAA. Also bought my cny clothing and I'm happy with my purchases! YAY!
LIFE IS BACK ON TRACK. 2012 FTW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Seeya soon bunnies! X
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Cigarettes
"I honestly believe that every single smoker picked it up because of peer pressure or because they thought it was cool or both. You may light your first cigarette cos you’re curious. But curiosity is satiated with the first stick honestly. Why anyone would continue with the 2nd or 3rd is because their friends are doing it.
And nobody picks up smoking to relax!!! Most bullshit reason ever. You may smoke now to relax but nobody STARTS smoking to relax ok how relaxing can your first puff be when you’re likely stressing yourself out on how to inhale the correct way or how to hold the cigarette so you don’t look like a noob or how to stop yourself from coughing."
Credits to fourfeetnine.com.
My sentiments exactly. Its like indirectly burning money. Oh well. Matter of preference. To smoke and feel 'high' and ruin your health for the next half of your life, or to keep away and feel healthy and live happy forever.
And nobody picks up smoking to relax!!! Most bullshit reason ever. You may smoke now to relax but nobody STARTS smoking to relax ok how relaxing can your first puff be when you’re likely stressing yourself out on how to inhale the correct way or how to hold the cigarette so you don’t look like a noob or how to stop yourself from coughing."
Credits to fourfeetnine.com.
My sentiments exactly. Its like indirectly burning money. Oh well. Matter of preference. To smoke and feel 'high' and ruin your health for the next half of your life, or to keep away and feel healthy and live happy forever.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Venus
When girls say:
"I give up.", it just means "Hug me now and don't let go, ever."
"Nobody cares." Its not that literally no one cares. Its just that she wants that one person she expects to exceptionally care when she says that.
"I'm fine." She's not. Don't give her advice. Just hug her and tell her you'll be there for her no matter what happens. Let her cry and she'll be okay soon enough.
"Whatever." It is not "Whatever". Make her laugh. Somehow. And give in, depending on the situation.
"Nothing." There is something. No need to ask. She'll tell you when she's ready. Smile, and tell her that you'll be there to hear her out when she's ready, even if she knows she's going to tell you when she is.
I'm behaving in a certain way that is so annoying and irritating, and trust me I hate me more than you do. I don't know why I don't seem to notice it until someone tells me so/after I'm cooled down. It happens everytime. Just like how I'm always the one left behind, for whatever reason. I am always the one left behind to face everything alone.
Girls are just wired in a way that is so different from the way boys are, and its up to us to fight for the love we all want to have despite the major differences. Sometimes dramas and movies just make it seem so simple, and that love is always happy all the time.
Truth is, love is a combination of compromise, trust, faith, responsibilty and loyalty. With all that put together, and for 2 people to mutually agree on every single thing is impossible. So tell me, how is it possible for 2 people who, despite loving each other, not have disagreements?
Sometimes its a phase. Its to the stage where you both open up to each other and show sides of each other you never wanted each other to see at the start. Then you realise that there are so many other bad character traits the other party has. No one is perfect, but love, is when you love someone for not only good sides to him/her, but the bad as well.
To be honest I always thought W was perfect despite knowing his bad sides. And I still fell. Not because I wanted to, but because I just did. They say if you love someone you love them for who they are, and not expect them to change for you. I wanted him to kick his bad habits, not change his character and personality.
Some people get this wrong.
Example: "You asked me to quit clubbing. You don't love me for who I am, I'm leaving, bye."
Clubbing is a habit. It was definitely not a quality instilled in you. There's a difference. Bad habits can be kicked. Its not even changing it. Its eliminating it altogether. So get it right. Change and eliminating bad habits are 2 different things.
So much said but I'm just disappointed because you turned out to be someone you said you'd never be. I'm still hurt by you. The wound will never heal, and even if it does, it'll split again.
Abrupt ending to this wordy post but I guess no one reads anyway. Random much. Oh well toodles. X
I believe in Fate. I just found out today. I just found out. :-)
"I give up.", it just means "Hug me now and don't let go, ever."
"Nobody cares." Its not that literally no one cares. Its just that she wants that one person she expects to exceptionally care when she says that.
"I'm fine." She's not. Don't give her advice. Just hug her and tell her you'll be there for her no matter what happens. Let her cry and she'll be okay soon enough.
"Whatever." It is not "Whatever". Make her laugh. Somehow. And give in, depending on the situation.
"Nothing." There is something. No need to ask. She'll tell you when she's ready. Smile, and tell her that you'll be there to hear her out when she's ready, even if she knows she's going to tell you when she is.
---------------------------
Sometimes...........I don't even know myself. I don't want to be stuck in this emotional rut because I have been here since 5 months ago. And yet, 5 months later when everyone's asking me to shut up already, here I am, back to square one.I'm behaving in a certain way that is so annoying and irritating, and trust me I hate me more than you do. I don't know why I don't seem to notice it until someone tells me so/after I'm cooled down. It happens everytime. Just like how I'm always the one left behind, for whatever reason. I am always the one left behind to face everything alone.
Girls are just wired in a way that is so different from the way boys are, and its up to us to fight for the love we all want to have despite the major differences. Sometimes dramas and movies just make it seem so simple, and that love is always happy all the time.
Truth is, love is a combination of compromise, trust, faith, responsibilty and loyalty. With all that put together, and for 2 people to mutually agree on every single thing is impossible. So tell me, how is it possible for 2 people who, despite loving each other, not have disagreements?
Sometimes its a phase. Its to the stage where you both open up to each other and show sides of each other you never wanted each other to see at the start. Then you realise that there are so many other bad character traits the other party has. No one is perfect, but love, is when you love someone for not only good sides to him/her, but the bad as well.
To be honest I always thought W was perfect despite knowing his bad sides. And I still fell. Not because I wanted to, but because I just did. They say if you love someone you love them for who they are, and not expect them to change for you. I wanted him to kick his bad habits, not change his character and personality.
Some people get this wrong.
Example: "You asked me to quit clubbing. You don't love me for who I am, I'm leaving, bye."
Clubbing is a habit. It was definitely not a quality instilled in you. There's a difference. Bad habits can be kicked. Its not even changing it. Its eliminating it altogether. So get it right. Change and eliminating bad habits are 2 different things.
So much said but I'm just disappointed because you turned out to be someone you said you'd never be. I'm still hurt by you. The wound will never heal, and even if it does, it'll split again.
Abrupt ending to this wordy post but I guess no one reads anyway. Random much. Oh well toodles. X
I believe in Fate. I just found out today. I just found out. :-)
Cheryl Cole - Fight For This Love
Too much of anything can make you sick
Even the good can be a curse
Makes it hard to know which road to go down
Knowing too much can get you hurt
Is it better is it worse
Are we sitting in reverse
Its just like we're going backwards
I know where I want this to go
We're driving fast but let's go slow
What I don't wanna do is crash, no
Just know you're not in this thing alone
There's always a place in me that you can call home
Whenever you feel like we're growing apart
Let's just go back back back back back to the start
Anything that's worth having
Is sure enough worth fighting for
Quitting's out of the question
When it gets tough gotta fight some more
We gotta fight fight fight fight fight for this love
We gotta fight fight fight fight fight for this love
We gotta fight fight fight fight fight for this love
If its worth having its worth fighting for (Oh)
Now everyday aint gon' be no picnic
Love ain't no walk in the park
All you can do is make the best of it now
Can't be afraid of the dark
Just know you're not in this thing alone
There's always a place in me that you can call home
Whenever you feel like we're growing apart
Lets just go back back back back back to the start
Anything that's worth having
Is sure enough worth fighting for
Quitting's out of the question
When it gets tough gotta fight some more
We gotta fight fight fight fight fight for this love
We gotta fight fight fight fight fight for this love
We gotta fight fight fight fight fight for this love
If its worth having its worth fighting for (Oh)
I don't know where we're heading
I'm willing and ready to go
We can't drive it so fast we just need to slow down
And just roll
Anything that's worth having
Is sure enough worth fighting for
Quitting's out of the question
When it gets tough, gotta fight some more
We gotta fight fight fight fight fight for this love
We gotta fight fight fight fight fight for this love
We gotta fight fight fight fight fight for this love
If its worth having its worth fighting for (Oh)
We gotta fight fight fight fight fight for this love
We gotta fight fight fight fight fight for this love
We gotta fight fight fight fight fight for this love
If its worth having its worth fighting for (Oh)
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Uncertainty
"It is often too easy to get caught up in ourselves and our issues to spare a thought for feelings that aren’t our own. Being selfish and full of pride leads to tons of unnecessary fights that are exhausting and pointless. At the end of the day, it’s the love you wanted at the beginning that you still want, so why hurt it just cos you’re too blinded by anger and pride to see that your way isn’t the only route to happiness?
Sometimes we wanna give up or want what we can’t have cos we *think* it’s better than what we do have. We let go way too easily because we think we have options. Our egos assume we deserve better, our selfishness points the blame at others, and our pride refuses to let us reflect and assess if the fault is ours. What people consistently fail to consider is whether we’d be okay if we lost what we have, forever. What if we can never get it back or anything remotely close? What if this is the best we will ever get?"
In 2012, I want to "swallow the pride, bind the ego, douse the anger, release the hate, minimize the goodbyes, amend the regrets, and hold on as tight as I can to what I love", because we might not get the tomorrow we subconsciously take for granted.
Credits to kaykay.sg.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Disappointment
Once again I have disappointed myself. Told myself to never look back ever because I deserve to smile again. No, its not W's fault that I'm in this state. Its just me and my own heart I can't take control over. I've never felt so strongly for someone before, and its not his fault I loved him so much, too much in fact. No one will ever understand how I feel because everyone will think I'm stupid, and they'll judge me for making things uglier than it already is. Trust me, you don't know how much I love this boy.
To you I may be always complaining about how sad I am, saying mean things just because I feel hurt, I may be whiny and desperate, however you want to name me. To me, I don't mind because I know my feelings are true. You only have one life. If you really love someone so much, just let them know. Let the whole world know. Sometimes you don't leave to please people, and even if you do, you can't please everyone. So why not just make yourself happy and take a chance?
So what if people judge? They're not you. They won't know how you're feeling unless they're you. Even if they go through a similar situation they may not love their other half as much as you do. No one will really know how you feel except you yourself. People make it seem so easy to 'let go and move on', but really, if you love someone, no matter what they do to make you let go, you'd still hang on even though it stings as if someone squeezed lemon juice and rubbed salt on your gaping wound.
Point is, I know many people would judge me for behaving the way I still am now, complaining and ranting on Twitter instead of moving on with life. Trust me, I've tried. And I'll still be trying. Its been 4 months going 5. He's happy now but here I am pathetically annoying. Its only human nature that people who only hear his side would find me fucked up and people that only hear mine would think that he's fucked up.
We're both wrong. We both took each other for granted, we both made each other cry. Every single quarrel we had we were both at fault. It just took us too long to realise it. We lost each other because we were petty enough to quarrel over every small thing and focused on only the bad stuff instead of the good. We were both wrong, W. We were both in the wrong. If I could forgive and forget so easily, why can't you do the same for me too?
6 billion people in the world and I had to meet you and fall head over heels. We just had to meet each other. Then because of the stress we both had, especially because it was during submission period, we had to take each other for granted to the point where you couldn't take it anymore and you decided to break the most important promise: Forever.
I was one of the reasons you smiled. I made you smile before. I can do it again. Why force yourself to forget me and hurt yourself alone while hurting me as well, instead of forgive me and we hurt together, grow and learn together? You say if we're apart we'll hurt once and for all. Then we'll be happy again without each other, just like we never met. Did you really think I'd stop hurting? Even so, if we're apart, we hurt and heal alone. If we're together, we hurt and heal together, and everyday after, we'll still have each other. Why did you still choose to leave?
Truth be told, I'm not living in the past. I'm simply living in the present and looking forward to a future with you in it. You know? Is it really gone? Can I have one last chance? Because maybe its not about fixing what's already broken, but maybe its about restarting and creating something even better than before. I'm not crazy, I'm not stupid. I just love him. That's all.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Fragments
Thankful i decided to help myself up this time. Yeah at times (actually most of the time) i'll be missing you, thinking of you but i know.. Theres no us anymore.. Just because you say so of course. If you think you'll be happier this way then alright i'll give in to you. But if you ever say its because you want to see me happy... Um.. no. I was fucking miserable without you and i dont think i'm going to be partying my ass off because I lost you. Only you can make me feel the way no one else did before.
You've given me best days to remember, you've made me the happiest girl I've ever been. This year you've worn me down to my lowest, to the point I really wanted to give up. When the pain of losing you was enough for me to even contemplate suicide because living was too painful for me. To the point where I could forget about everything because all I ever wanted was to have someone like you, and I found you, but I lost you. You gave me both the best and worst days of my life and you should be proud of it...... At least now you know someone is going to remember you for a long LONG time for the good and the bad reasons haha.
Not going to hope 2012 is going to get any better. I'm just going to go one step at a time to find myself again..I'll never have enough questions to ask, words to say to you. But when i see you all i want to do is to give you a hug..... Seriously.. I can't even bring myself to hate you even if i wanted to.. If i had 1 wish for Christmas I'd tell the genie to erase you off my life. Memories, name, everything. Even the happy memories.. You're just too much for me.
You've given me best days to remember, you've made me the happiest girl I've ever been. This year you've worn me down to my lowest, to the point I really wanted to give up. When the pain of losing you was enough for me to even contemplate suicide because living was too painful for me. To the point where I could forget about everything because all I ever wanted was to have someone like you, and I found you, but I lost you. You gave me both the best and worst days of my life and you should be proud of it...... At least now you know someone is going to remember you for a long LONG time for the good and the bad reasons haha.
Not going to hope 2012 is going to get any better. I'm just going to go one step at a time to find myself again..I'll never have enough questions to ask, words to say to you. But when i see you all i want to do is to give you a hug..... Seriously.. I can't even bring myself to hate you even if i wanted to.. If i had 1 wish for Christmas I'd tell the genie to erase you off my life. Memories, name, everything. Even the happy memories.. You're just too much for me.
Monday, January 2, 2012
The start of something new
Its 2012!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In the blink of an eye its been a year. In 2011 I won some, I lost some. Not every war fought is every war won. Its all part and parcel of life. Now that 2011 is over, I believe 2012 will be a new beginning not just for me, but for everyone else as well. ☺ ♥
To be honest I wasn't that much ready for 2012, but now that I think of it, I think I am. I'm stronger now, and that's all I need to face a new year of new beginnings and new challanges. Awesum.
In 2012 I really want to accomplish some things. New year resolutions..........haven't came up with all yet but for now it shall just be:
- Reaching early/on time regardless of event be it work or play
- Stop procrasting so much
- Be a better person for myself and everyone I love
- Grow up and think of what I really want to achieve in life
- Work hard, play harder HAHA
Love new beginnings. Gives me hope. Its like another chance to step up and experience more things to learn more. Its inspiring. Its like life is giving you one more chance to do well.☺ Happy.
Spent my countdown with these awesome people:
Siloso Beach Party was pretty damn fun (especially the part where I get to sit by the pool at Azzura while looking over to Wavehouse eyeing hot surfers and their muscles........ahem.)!!!!!!!!! Very funny looking at the guys trying to get girls but end up coming back with none HAHAHAHA
Saw Liza there and she's still as pretty and hot as ever ☺ Saw Jazzmine with her boyfriend too and the world is so small because Charles knew them. How small can little old Singapore get seriously hahaha. Anyway we had a blast so all's great! Great start to the new year. F YEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH
Had meepok for breakfast after Siloso and slacked there till 830. Headed home and took a warm shower. Felt like it was the best shower ever. Snoozed till 6 when I was supposed to be out by 3. Fail.
Anyway I was up and I went to meet C, E, BR, S and WL for Genki Sushi @ Orchard Central!!!!!!
NOM.
Cineleisure after that, sat down and laughed a lot while having Frolick. So I'm home now. Hehehehe. I love them. Forever so cute. Glad I met you all. ☺ Tmr I'm meeting the girls for some shopping and I'm looking forward to it already hehehehehe ♥
Shall start living by this from now on.
"Happiness is a direction, not a destination."
Find the good in everything. Not find everything good and expect it to remain that way. Not everything in life goes in the way you want it to so we can only suck it up.
2011, thank you. You've taught me a lot.
2012, I'M READY!
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