exasperation

this is me.
never serious in anything i do.
i srsly wonder why i deserve nice friends/people ard me.
note i didnt say family because i dont know what the hell went wrong.

you know sometimes i jst get SO PISSED OFF with myself.
because i dont know what i really want in life.
YET.
and i think its alr a little too late for this.

and sometimes i actually blame myself for not doing well enough in maths to get into other courses.
COZ ALTHOUGH I LIKE DESIGN, THE 'LIKE' isnt rlly enough to make me do well for it.
i cant fucking DRAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
its like ive been getting Bs, Cs and Ds for every module.
NO A AT ALL CAN YOU PLZ KILL ME?
its rlly not that i dont try.
its like so fucken hard because the guys draw like ITS SRSLY PRINTED OUT?!

and the girls in my class are like, ON PAR?!
im like the worst cf student and i tell you ive never fucking felt so FAIL in my life before.
MAJOR FML OK.
everything i do, even if im super careful, i just screw up in the end.

while doing wire sculpting i actually thought i was doing fine.
until I FINISHED what i needed to do and saw scratches on my hands and thigh.
dont ask me why thigh but i needed the tree trunk fo some dimensions.
TELL ME FAIL OR NOT CAN DO UNTIL LIKE THAT?!
i was DAMN careful!!!!!!!!!!!! >:(

this is SO pissing me off.
okay faris said that we're still babies.
but this DOESNT give me the fucken excuse to FAIL all the time, right?!
i want to get my feet on the ground and start being serious.
like DAMN serious.
and i suddenly rmb what dh said to me ytd.
and i rlly think i am.
afraid.

afraid of being serious.
what a wimp