question mark

people i spent 4yrs with.
love ttm.
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was cut out from the e-world for a few days
and i feel disconnected already.
friends' blogs not read, blog almost dead, yada

ive been working almost everyday
a tad short compared to the rest, nonetheless tiring
super miss the rws group 3 people though i see them around.
just scattered as we're all working @different retail outlets.

kinda drained out...
2010's supposed to be great.
supposed to be.
guess the great has yet to come huh..
results were disappointing, knew many things,
yet uncertain about some things.
i need to learn.
how to trust.
how to give.
how to...... be strong.
i cannot wail to my parents/friends about any setback/problem i face anymore.
ive grown up.
i must learn to face all that shit myself.

2009 was a bad year for me.
i want 2010 to be a better one.

i want my family to be happy.
i want my brother to be good.
i want him to stop being so irritating and dumb.
i want my parents to trust me(they already do) and be frank with me.
share their problems.
help them in solving their problems if they do face any.

i want my friends to be happy.
i want every single one of them to be.
even those i just met.

i want K to be happy.
i want to be someone he can count on.
someone he can come to whenever he needs me.
someone he.. treasures and values a lot.

when the hell will all these come true???
everything sounds so simple.
and really, they are.
but why do things as simple as these never happen?
why does my family face troubles?
why are my friends not happy?
why does K make me sad?

is it just me asking for too much?
i feel weird and confused about every single thing.
i feel that i dont have a place in this world.
i feel out of place.
i dont have no freakin sense of belonging, even at home.
i feel like escaping. to somewhere i dont have to see the people i know.
maybe i can start all over again.
maybe i'll feel better.
maybe i'll feel i belong there.
maybe i'll feel loved. wanted. happy.

honestly ive not been genuinely happy since... a long time ago.
and none of the people i love have made me feel happy and loved.
makes me feel i dont deserve to be happy and loved.
-
away from the emo nemo :>
worked with the lovely group 3 people of my store today and managed to snap some pictures with USS's mascots!
its with jasmine so i shall just wait til she posts it up :>
hope it'll be soon.
and i hope anyone that reads this could go down to USS next week as its officially opening already!!

super tired. so i shall go.
3rd month with K tmr :>
think hes coming over later.