So many decisions. To stay in design? To leave and work, then go for a private diploma, then a degree? Passion for design was not there since day 1. It was always because of others, I had to stay in SP. Never was I truly happy with what I was doing in school.
The only happy thing was that I was making others happy by staying and doing something I didn't really like at all. Slowly, I did learn to love design a little more. Because being a designer, even if you want to quit, you never really do completely. It opens your eyes, widens your horizon, makes you think out of the box and also increases your EQ hahaha. By that I'm not joking. I don't know why I always come up with feasible, easier solutions compared to those unexposed to design. I like design, just not enough to make a career out of it.
Then it comes to a point where I have to make all those tough decisions its like I'm already living mid-life crisis when I'm not even halfway through Life. Do I stay? Looked upon other options. Business, psychology, tourism, mass communications. All (to me) much more worth the hard work. Eliminated. And it boils down to Psychology. I can only practise it when I get my Prof. Even so, opening a clinic may not mean I'll get business. Another way out. Be a lecturer. Sounds like a plan, yay!
And another HUGE question mark slaps me in the face. Its not easy. Is this what I want to do for life? If so, where do I get the money to support myself through this? Recently my brother got a new processor because he's hearing-impaired. I don't blame him, but I can't help but think of how much money was spent on that tiny thing that isn't even longer and wider than my index finger. $11k. FO REAL?????????????????????????????? Yep for real man. Its not even waterproof. There goes the money. And then the stress comes. I'm not from a well-to-do family. Parents are struggling to make ends meet because of my brother. They earn enough to feed us, but their savings are running low. AND I STILL WANT TO GO TO PRIVATE???
So I'm stuck. Real stuck. Although I've already spoken to my dad and he said that if its what I want to do, they'll find a way. SURE DAD THAT MADE ME FEEL BETTER!!!!! :) not. I'm 18. I have brains, and I know its not okay.
My plan? To quit school because I've already wasted so much time and money on something I do not like. Then work. And earn my own money so I can support myself and at the same time save for the EXPENSIVE price I have to pay (literally) for my private school fees. By earning my own money and paying my own school fees, I'll feel the pinch. And that pinch will definitely motivate me to work hard and not slack my lazy ass off. I'll do well in school, and go on and on and on until I reach the top. Then I'll start my own business/teach. I'll know what to do then. Sounds easy but I know its going to be a tough life ahead. I'll get there. I know I will. Although the same shit will happen. Make new friends, people come, people go. People are good, people are bad. The cycle goes on and on and on and on. Shall save that for when-it-happens.
For now, I'm still stuck. Thinking of talking to my parents about it ASAP. And I'll move on.
Things I have to do before school starts on the 17th of October:
- TAKE MY NEXT STEP AND CONTINUE WALKING FORWARD.
- Meet up with all my friends!!!!
- Find a jobbbbbbbbbbbbbb
- SAVE $
- Look forward to the day camp and all that's coming up :)
- Feel beautiful, and look beautiful :) Be beautiful inside out.
Whatever floats your boat. :)
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